Coping with Choice

I was recently in the market for a new computer. During this process, I was faced with a lot of choices. Should I buy a laptop or a desktop? If I buy a laptop, should I get a small one or a big one? For my laptop, which screen resolution should I choose? Additionally, should I search around and wait until I find a really good deal, or should I just try to buy something quickly that meets my needs? These choices caused a lot of anxiety and indecision for me. If I bought the wrong thing, I could experience buyer's remorse and feel as if I should take it back or sell it and search for something new. This is not a desirable situation.

The potential regret is not the only problem however. With all the choices and options, I end up wasting a lot of time searching online forums seeing if others could offer further information, as well as sitting at my desk thinking about what I should choose. If one values their time at all, certainly the price of many purchases is upped by this factor. Why is it that I and many others get so stressed in making decisions? Perhaps this video on TED.com can offer some incite on this issue.

This video touches on some of the interesting psychological aspects of having many options and the speaker tells of things we have probably all felt before and can relate with. Being indecisive can cause one to have very slow progress in any type of endeavor, whether it is learning a new topic or maybe even starting a business. It is important that one learns how to act with resolve and confidence, and not have regrets and worry about something they cannot control or something which is in the past. On the other hand, it is certainly important to not be entirely impulsive all time time either. Nonetheless, the more time you spend trying to decide what to study, what to buy, what to do lessens the time you have to actually do something productive and enjoy your life. It is important to quickly assess the situation and make a decision that is consistent enough with your value system. Notice that I do not say it is perfectly consistent, just consistent enough. So next time you need to buy something online, spend a little time researching the product, find a reasonable deal, and make the purchase and forget about it. You might have saved a few dollars if you search harder or waited longer, but be happy in knowing that you are not wasting your time for money that you will likely never need or care about.

The Psychological Consequences of Alcohol

Consuming alcohol is something so engrained in American culture and many other cultures that it is almost synonymous with hanging out with friends, watching sports, or enjoying an evening. It is the default decision for what to do on a Friday night for millions of people. Let's examine why this is, and more importantly, why does it seem so impossible for people to do without something which is known to be so harmful to one's health.

Alcohol has been called "liquid courage"; it is a substance which can make people more relaxed, more social, and more outgoing. What is the psychological block though that does not allow people to be this way without it? Perhaps it is a result of the link between fear and maturity. This basically says that as people become older, they lose their hopes and dreams as hundreds of factors such as making money, becoming popular, finding mates, and simply wanting to fit in become important. As a little kid, we all thought we could do anything and be anyone. Little kids talk to everyone they meet and seem to be the most social creatures on the planet. We smile and enjoy this behavior from children but why not from the adult who likes to interact with everyone. Why is it that so many times I interact with someone I have never met, they seem to, at least initially, wonder why the hell I would be talking to them? Surely, they must have lost something from when they were a child. Alcohol is the "cure" for this behavior. When people are drinking, they seem to be more social, more outgoing, and more accepting of new people. Alcohol is a lot of fun, right? So what is wrong with this?

Alcohol is often used as a crutch for someone to be social. It can be an excuse for lacking real personality and real social skills. It can be very fun with friends, making your emotions more intense, for the better or for the worse, but the long term effects of this may be that you desire alcohol more often and lose the ability to have fun sober. I am speculating that while the short term effects of drinking alcohol may be great in terms of the fun you had with friends or random strangers, the long term costs of losing the ability to have sober fun may not be worth it. Alcohol is a way to escape reality, a way to make almost any situation fun, but shouldn't we have the ability to do this through the power of our own mind and personality? In fact, why would we want to escape reality to begin with? Life is so interesting; there is always more to learn and new people to meet. If our normal life is something we need to escape, well then shouldn't we change our normal life? So next time you are faced with the decision of whether to drink, examine your motivations, recognize the psychological consequences, and then decide on whether it is worth it or not. You may find that it is worth it less than you think, which will put you on the road to have a more powerful and engaging personality.

Discovering Independence

I just got off the phone with my long-distance girlfriend and I realized something- I am not Howard Roark. Howard Roark is a character in Ayn Rand's "The Fountainhead". He is an architect, who above all else, is an independent entity. His emotions are not tied to anyone or anything, only himself and his work. Being a graduate student is a potentially incredibly lonely and isolating experience. It is important to discover the ability to be alone.

Despite all the people I have met and all the people I know, I am often alone, and now, more than ever since my girlfriend has moved away. Realizing tonight that my mood is partly a function of her mood made me realize as I said before, I am not Howard Roark. Is being completely independent a totally desirable mode? It is hard to identify this because we are certainly not programmed to be this way by our genes. Being independent has it costs and benefits. It is good to know how to take care of oneself, but at the same time, we can learn from others and share with others for mutual benefit. My genes tell me one thing but my mind tells me another. Which do I listen to?

In this case, it is important to listen to both. It is essentially super human to be completely void of any emotion associated with anyone else. We must accept this and move on and not strive to be Ayn Rand's ideal that is Howard Roark. However, at the same time, it is important to use our rational mind to identify why one is feeling the way he or she is and to understand it. In the case of being alone, it can be distracting and depressing, causing one to feel self-loathing and lack of motivation. A simple call from a friend may completely turn you around. Knowing that another person in the world is thinking about you may make you feel temporary happiness. The medical term for extreme cases of this is bipolar disorder. It is important to try to figure out how to make these emotions as moderate as possible since we are not interested simply in temporary happiness, but long term fulfillment. Something that helps me, for example, is doing what I am doing right now, which is writing about it.

It is hard offer a prescription or a method on how to deal with being alone. This is not my intention. Nonetheless, learning to be alone is something which is crucial if you are a graduate student. A person who is mostly independent will likely find that more people want to be around him or her, and he or she will quickly appreciate so much the thing that they were trying to originally escape: being alone.